We're trying something different at UUJM this week. I (Andy) didn't enjoy Black Swan so I wrote this piece to explain how shit it is. Shaun disagrees with me so when he gets around to it he's going to write a piece explaining how shit the Black Swan hate brigade are. So, witness the shitness as I lay into Black Swan first and he responds in due course. Feel free to tell us whose opinion is most shit in the comments.WARNING: LOW LEVEL SPOILER ALERT
Here's what I wrote:
What an over-rated piece of shit! Sure, Natalie Portman is hot, the actors danced convincingly (to this ballet novice) and it gave me the creeps but surely the director was a thirteen year old boy. Every symbolic cliche in the book was checked. Oooooh, white means pure and innocent, real clever! Black means sinister, nice one! Seriously, just because you can *get* the symbolism without thinking doesn't mean a) the movie is any good and b) your opinion is worth jack shit. The plot is thoroughly predictable, Portman's stuffed-toy innocence is overdone so all the idiots lapping this waste-of-time up can *get* it after being smashed in the face with the obvious stick and the "dark side was in you all along" theme was much more convincing in Fight Club over a decade earlier! Those of us with brain cells to rub together were laughing with open derision during the movie. Oh, and if the film wasn't adolescent enough, there's muff diving. Sweet.
Honestly, why do you think you enjoyed this? Cos there were hot chicks? Cos there was symbolism you could get your head around? Cos a review you read on the internet said it was choice? Cos you always wanted to be a ballerina? (What are you, Portman's Mum?) See through the hype. It's not without its good points but it's ruined by its faults.
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