1. That’s what she said.
2. Your Mum....
3. Must be free then. (Heard from old people in stores when something doesn’t scan. More on shopping another time....)
4. Any Amy Winehouse joke involving the word, “rehab.”
5. Your Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
6. Any Scribe joke involving the words, “not many, if any.”
7. Any joke trading on tired gender cliches, e.g.: women can’t drive, men don’t listen, etc.
8. So’s your face. (Scrubs looks pretty tired now, huh? It’s the Friends of the 00’s - funny and sexy in its day but incredibly dated a decade on. Now we’ve got Two and a Half Men. We’d blog about that but it would be easier to tear strips off than an Adidas rugby jersey. It’s below us.)
9. Nek minute.
10. Flight of the Conchords. I was sick of the references to "business socks" halfway through 2008. Why do you insist on ruining (a) FOTC and (b) my impression of you by pushing the same lines? Look, Bret and Jemaine aren't completely shit. All credit to them for success. Let's give some context though. North Americans, would they be as funny if they weren't from New Zealand? Kiwis, would they be as funny if America hadn't told you it was OK to like them? Are their lines really so great that they're still funny even though 2012 is fast approaching? Is Bret McKenzie's Muppets' theme not a piss-poor excuse for a song?
11. Any reference to Spinal Tap. Don’t tell me about turning things up to 11. That was funny when I was 16. A decade later, not so much. The fact that we’re the same age and you still find it funny says one of two things:
(a) when I was a teenager I had the sense of humour of someone in their mid-twenties; or
(b) in your mid-twenties, you have the sense of humour of a teenager.
Me and Shauny don’t like ambiguity so we’ll spell it out for you. You haven’t developed.
Dear readers, is there anything we've missed?
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