Beer Loyalty

When Andy worked in hospitality, people, normally middle aged men, would come into the restaurant and declare things like, "Oh sweet, they got Speights and Tui, that's good cos I'm a Speights and Tui man."

Not CD? Not DB? "Nah, I wouldn't drink that shit," they say as though it was comparable to urine, whereas Speights and Tui are the nectar of the Gods. Let me get this straight. You think your generic beer of choice tastes better than another generic beer? Here's a secret. You're an idiot and you have been fooled by marketers. It all tastes like a f**** w****’* c***.

Under a blind test, you wouldn't know the difference between Speights, Tui, Budweiser, DB, CD, VB, XXXX, (s)Hite or motherfucking sewer water! Fact. Go on, try it. See? Not only are you swearing loyalty to something that tastes disgusting, you're operating under the false assumption that it tastes noticeably different to similar products. Chump.

There are two acceptable reasons for drinking cheap beer:
1) It's cheap and you're poor.
2) Sometimes it's so cold you can't taste how bad it is.

If you're drinking cheap beer, you better be doing it for one of the above reasons and you better not be swearing loyalty to a brew of choice!