New Zealand's "Blame the Teachers" Mentality

Parents need to take responsibility! If your kid is fat, it's probably because the parents are feeding them all sorts of shit and watching them play computer games, interspersed with TV. No, a Nintendo Wii is not exercise! Our busy teachers do not need to find another hour in every jam packed school day to teach extra PE. Parents need to take responsibility! In 2008, a study came out showing New Zealand primary school children were lagging behind OECD countries in science. What was barely mentioned is that after being at high school for a couple of years, New Zealand children have caught right back up. What was frequently mentioned is that more science needs to be taught in primary schools. Teachers work around the clock to teach your kids, maintain their skills and learn the new assessment programs that governments force down their throats every five minutes. They are abused in the classroom by kids with "defiance syndrome". They deal with pressures from school administration, parents and students. For the most part, they do an excellent job. So get off their case and discipline your bloody kids into having healthy bodies and healthy minds!

Korean racism

Firstly, I'd like to point out that having lived in Korea for year, I grew to love the place. An overwhelming percentage of Koreans (don't be a dipshit and ask, "which Korea?") showed hospitality that exceeded my expectations. However, no country is perfect and it's time to put the boot into Korean racists.

i) What exactly have black folks done to you, Korea? Why do many of your English schools refuse to hire black teachers?

ii) LG and Samsung, the two largest cellphone companies in Korea, both have English-Korean dictionaries in their phones. These dictionaries are VERY racist in their inclusion of the word, 흑인 (heukin). The definition of this word starts off innocently enough; "a coloured person, a black person, a negro," but soon descends into extremely offensive territory. Other synonyms for heukin are "a Jim Crow, a nigger (!), a darkie, and a blackamoor." Are you trying to tell Koreans learning English that all these words are equally acceptable? I hope not. You need to be clear on this. Some of these terms are among the most offensive words in the English language. Millions of Koreans use your cellphone dictionaries. You need to use your position to educate the public on acceptable language.

iii) Not all foreigners have swine flu. Promise.

They Write Their Own Songs

How often do you hear someone use this line as a defence for their dreadful taste? Way too often, given the statement is worthless. The first five Rolling Stones singles were covers and each was fantastic. Motown had a songwriting team which was behind many of their greatest recordings. Elvis was pretty important and he didn't write a lot. Jimi Hendrix didn't write All Along The Watchtower but he performs it so well that Dylan has adopted his version. Interestingly, many excellent songwriters also produce absolute clangers. Bob Dylan, Neil Young and Paul McCartney have all produced rough amongst the diamonds. On the other side of coin, would you really want your name on a Blink 182 song? Hell no! Their songs have the depth of a toilet bowl and the originality of a photocopier. Great songs are difficult and time consuming to write. They don't grow on trees but that doesn't mean that writing something worthless has more merit than singing something amazing that was written by someone else.

Diary of Helena from Seatoun

There are many different groups in Wellington. If we were to target one, you might think we'd go for the hipsters or the hippies or the dicks dressed as twats and the twats dressed as dicks at the Sevens.

All of these people are awful, but one often overlooked type of scum is the classic Wellingtonian.

On that note, we'd like to introduce the latest diary entry from our guest writer, Helena from Seatoun.


Dear diary,

My Sunday began with my weekly visit to the vegetable market. I know the veges come from the same orchards as those at the supermarket, but the wholesome little market-stalls make them seem so much more fresh!

After this, I visited a trendy cafe where I drank fair trade coffee and read The Guardian Weekly. I love The Guardian - it's really left-wing like me and has a clever way of making politics seem fashionable. I can't stand The Daily 'Tory-graph' however because no newspaper should be that politically biased.

I'm what you'd call a proud left-winger. I admire the work of left-wing politicians because they stick up for people in suburbs I wouldn't be seen dead in. I fervently believe in public education and in not giving more resources to private schools. To prove it, I'll definitely send my kids to public schools even though I can afford to send them to good ones (I guess it's lucky for me that two of the country's best public schools are so nearby).

After coffee, I went shopping for clothes (for ethical items, of course!) I'm very conscious of the things I wear - with the possible exception of my fiance's gorgeous diamond ring from Sierra Leone, which would've been too pretty to say no to.

Yep, I'm a bit of a philanthropist. Every month I give money to an international children's fund. I care so dearly for the state of the world that I'm determined to impose western values on absolutely everybody, which will obviously make this world a better place.

Wow, I just read this and realised how selfless an sophisticated I am! I'm definitely going to sleep well tonight.

Till next time!

Helena from Seatoun

The Wellington Sevens

As I write, a massive snowstorm is about to hit my little town in the Midwest US. Over a foot of snow is predicted, and the university could be shut down tomorrow (it never shuts down). I might even have to dig snow away from the front door to get out.

It could be much worse though, I could be in Wellington during Rugby Sevens week! Yes, some of the costumes can be very clever, but does one really need to pay $175 to get sunburned and drink expensive, shitty beer while watching almost universally terrible football?

Apparently, the answer is YEAH BRO, and sadly, for some of our compatriots it is the main event of the year.