Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Simon Doull

Simon Doull is shit. How is this loser equipped to commentate international cricket matches? He has an unspectacular test bowling average of 29.3 but at least he has an underwhelming number of wickets with 98. This unimpressive record continues into his ODI figures: 36 wickets at 40.52 with an economy rate over 5 runs an over. He wasn't particularly fast or particularly accurate or particularly economical. Why would I turn to him for "expert" insight on Sachin Tendulkar or Shane Warne? (Warne can commentate while playing better than Doull can from the commentary box!) The Greek Finance Minister might be a player on the world stage in his field but he's clearly not fit to hawk his wares as a consultant. Oh, and he didn't start hitting on Possum Bourne's widow as soon as the driver died, nor is he associated with that horrifying entity known as The Rock radio station. Come to think of it, the Greek Finance Minister probably knows more about women, music and international cricket.

I mean, let's compare "Doully" with Mark Richardson. "Rigger" is easily New Zealand's best test batsman since Martin Crowe. His average would've been better than Crowe's if he'd had an Andrew Jones or a John Wright or whoever to bat with him for lengthy periods of time. He's also a favourite of the beige brigade having embraced his nickname (a nod to his slowness in scoring and running) and partaken in the running races in the skin tight suit against members of the opposite team. He's also consistent funny in a self-deprecating fashion on The Crowd Goes Wild. All of this means Rigger is a guy I'm willing to take insight from. Doully doesn't share any of these characteristics desirable in a commentator.

In saying that, while Rigger may be qualified, he is rarely illuminating. More than can be said for Doully though. Sheesh. All Simon Fool offers is greasy haircuts, tasteless beards, open collars revealing trashy gold chains and earrings that scream, "I'm a wanker." He looks like he should be on Outrageous Fortune but given everything about the guy is shit, we wouldn't dare give him the opportunity. Yes, he may have lead the New Zealand bowling attack but he did so when our cricket team was at its worst with a combination of wides and half volleys delivered at a donkey drop medium pace. Rubbish.

So what do you think? Are we being too harsh on Doully or are we on the money, as usual? Have we taken down the wrong guy? Does Simon Drool annoy you less than some of the other commentators?

1 comment:

  1. An average of 29 is very decent in test cricket - especially when you consider the averages of our current test bowling attack! Doull was a very good swing bowler at first class and test level but less effective at ODI level. Similiar to Chris Martin in that respect except in the batting department where I believe Doull does have a first-class hundred to his name! As for his commentary he is rank and should be axed. End of!

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