New Zealanders in the UK

Here at UUJM, if there's one thing we hate, it's people doing boring things. But if there's one thing we hate even more, it's people doing boring things under the auspices of them being interesting. If you're in the mid to late twenties age bracket then a profound case in point is the "great Kiwi OE", which is painfully shoved in our face every time we log onto Facebook. The "great Kiwi OE", which for those lucky enough to be unfamiliar typically involves a 2 year trip to live in the United Kingdom, is unfortunately neither great nor much of an overseas experience. Much like New Zealand migration to Australia, the "great Kiwi OE" seems to primarily be a way for New Zealand to export its idiots to a country with some general sympathy towards us based on historical ties and the desire for an underclass of cheap labour.

For those taking the trip, our point here is: isn't there a sharp irony about seeking to experience the immense cultural diversity the world has to offer by travelling to the single most culturally and politically similar country to New Zealand in the whole world? You know, the one from whom we inherited our language, political system, social structure and, yes, even our national sport? And isn't there a similar irony about treating a Facebook photo of yourself in a different European destination (usually drunk and on a Top Deck tour) as proof that you have engaged with the history, culture and people of a particular country in a meaningful way?

Predictably, things only get worse once said idiot arrives at Heathrow (wearing their All Blacks jersey). Although undoubtedly one of the world's greatest cities, most ex-patriate New Zealander's first port of call in London is the Shepherds Bush Walkabout, where they can experience all the diversity the city has to offer by getting blindly drunk most days of the week with a rowdy mob of similarly minded people from Australia and South Africa. Going there has the added bonus of providing a great opporunity to catch up with heaps of people from home who you haven't seen in years! Which, after all, was the point of the exercise wasn't it? Then there was the epic drunken haka that we all performed at 2am- I mean being here makes you appreciate how truely multicultural us Nu Zillanders are!

Having shaken off the hangover, it must now be time to experience the many sights and rich cultural and historical heritage of London. First stop, Buckingham Palace. Better get a photo for Facebook, because no-one will have seen a photo of that before. Second stop, the London Eye. Better get a photo here too. Tower Bridge? The Gherkin? The River Thames? Brighton Pier? Why not. There I was on the whole other side of the world, but I was like totally representing Nu Zilland becuase I was wearing my All Blacks jersey!  Yeah, great move wearing your All Blacks jersey by the way, after all, everyone loves a tourist who blends in seamlessly with their surroundings. We love it when American tourists in New Zealand wear Hawaiian shirts and bum bags and make a point of telling everyone where they are from.

Right, London, tick. I'm pretty sure we've covered everything this grand city of culture and history has to offer. Definitely time to get out of England. I've booked a trip to France and Italy over the weekend, will definitely have to have the All Blacks jersey ready for that one. Pretty keen to get a photo of me wearing it in front of the Eiffel tower for Facebook, and maybe even a hilarious one of me looking like I am holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa! And my brilliance won't be lost on all the French and Italian locals who hang out at the souvenir shops because they'll recognise I'm from Nu Zilland!  It's so sad that I only could get a long weekend here, I really felt like I was immersing myself in the local culture in an organic way. I think I was even picking up a bit of the local language! I'm pretty sure "ca va" means choice.

Still, time is short, Sunday is a huge night back in Shepherds Bush!